I feel that the best that my mom ever done for me, was to take me away from a country full of misery and no hope. When we make up our mind to go for something, when we are responsible, not only for our own lives but for our children and relatives, then we become very determined. It is then not a matter of selfishness, it is simply a matter of giving your children a better place to live in. It is your responsibility as a parent to look beyond your own needs and put your child’s first. Some mothers’ actions are very difficult for us to understand. We might feel abandoned and not loved, but in the end we realize that all they did was for your own good. The double shifts they worked, the late nights at work, their tiredness, and finally the moment when your mother would leave you to go out in the world and make a new future for you.
As a child of nine years, I realized already that the country I was living in was not good for me. I was unhappy with the way the school was operating , I was very scared to be on the streets at certain time and in certain places. I was an unhappy child, not being satisfied with the way my life was taking route. The political and economical situation in my country scared me and I could not picture myself staying there. In Russia at that time you could find people who would do anything to get out of there. In desperate situations people become animals, they are ready to kill and eat their own ones in order to feed themselves.
As we migrated to Sweden we started with nothing. We were not accepted into the society, unless we spoke the language and had the same behavior as the rest. When I am thinking back about the time when we ate dinner sitting on top of the phone books, sneaking out in the evenings to the garbage containers and digging out furniture and clothes. It is an act we could only keep to ourselves and never tell any Swedish person. They simple would not understand and would look down on us as the poor people we were. What important to note is the fact that it is not that we were poor, it is not our poor education which led us to where we are today, it is simply us being grown up in the wrong country. The Swedes had difficulties pronouncing our names. Our letters and sounds were different from theirs, so we had to change our names to suit their tongue. My mom also advised me to even change my last name, she said that in the future I might have problems getting a job with a foreign last name. That was a very difficult time for me. I could not be proud of my own country and my identity was totally non-existent. I was not allowed to keep my name, I could not behave the way I used to in Russia, because that was seen as something wild and primitive. My clothes were old and totally not in tune with the fashion in Sweden. My class mates saw me as a weirdo and everything I did they asked me, if that is how you do in Russia. I always wanted people to understand me without me being the one who would spoon feed them with information. If only people would take time and investigate, we would not have the problems with assumptions and prejudices. I just wanted to be accepted for being me and not for my background.
As a child of nine years, I realized already that the country I was living in was not good for me. I was unhappy with the way the school was operating , I was very scared to be on the streets at certain time and in certain places. I was an unhappy child, not being satisfied with the way my life was taking route. The political and economical situation in my country scared me and I could not picture myself staying there. In Russia at that time you could find people who would do anything to get out of there. In desperate situations people become animals, they are ready to kill and eat their own ones in order to feed themselves.
As we migrated to Sweden we started with nothing. We were not accepted into the society, unless we spoke the language and had the same behavior as the rest. When I am thinking back about the time when we ate dinner sitting on top of the phone books, sneaking out in the evenings to the garbage containers and digging out furniture and clothes. It is an act we could only keep to ourselves and never tell any Swedish person. They simple would not understand and would look down on us as the poor people we were. What important to note is the fact that it is not that we were poor, it is not our poor education which led us to where we are today, it is simply us being grown up in the wrong country. The Swedes had difficulties pronouncing our names. Our letters and sounds were different from theirs, so we had to change our names to suit their tongue. My mom also advised me to even change my last name, she said that in the future I might have problems getting a job with a foreign last name. That was a very difficult time for me. I could not be proud of my own country and my identity was totally non-existent. I was not allowed to keep my name, I could not behave the way I used to in Russia, because that was seen as something wild and primitive. My clothes were old and totally not in tune with the fashion in Sweden. My class mates saw me as a weirdo and everything I did they asked me, if that is how you do in Russia. I always wanted people to understand me without me being the one who would spoon feed them with information. If only people would take time and investigate, we would not have the problems with assumptions and prejudices. I just wanted to be accepted for being me and not for my background.
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