Cameyah

Something happened on the train today, which made me forget about my groceries and forced me to sit down here and get it out of my system. I was on the E train going home. This train is an express train when it comes to Queens. The stops are pretty far away and today it was going even slower in between the stops, which means that it takes almost ten minutes to go from one stop to the other. At five o'clock most people enter the train going home from work, so the train is pretty packed. Most people are very tired, have a lot of bags and while holding on to the railing you wanna close your eyes and get home faster. In this moment the train is creeping very slowly, the train is dark and it is very packed. Even before it happened I felt something negative in the atmosphere, somehow it was a bit scary, but I can never tell you what it is. All of a sudden, a darkskinned tall guy is pushing himself through the crowd, going from one cart to the other. Even when he was passing, something ju

As I am listening to some sweet music , I am thinking about some very strange things which happened to me today and got me thinking about something. I think it is strange when: People forget where there are coming from and somehow deny it. People connect Africa with negativity. People cannot share performance space, because of prejudice and racism. People feel guilty and hire the less qualified person. People think that they can put you down, to get themselves up. People cannot value the human being. People cannot liberate themselves. People use bitterness to survive, as opposed to love. The list goes on and on, but it is impossible to get everything on here. I just feel that people have problems, deeply rooted in something, but they choose to take it out in the weirdest settings and on the wrong people. As opposed to dealing with things which happened in the their childhood and never got resolved, these things keep preventing some people from being free and love the people around them

Are we women supposed to create a lot of trouble? And are you men, supposed to just tolerate our foolishness and just stay cool? Sometimes I feel like, the women are the ones who are supposed to just get crazy ideas in their heads, get up and run somewhere and our men are just supposed to run after us, like there is no tomorrow. There are also these women who are very bossy, telling their men what to do every single second and the men either explode on them one day or keep staying cool, cause they themselves are completely down with it. They don't mind following the orders, because it just reminds them of their childhood and the wife becomes the mother. I personally think that's kinda weird. I admire these couples who are equal. No one is more important than the other and both of them get crazy ideas, which they both think is cool and they both run away to turn their ideas into reality. It seems very cool, and I really would love to experience it. I hope it is possible. There a

I wanna cry, not because I am unhappy, but because I am. I wanna cry, because when I was not happy, nobody could understand, help, listen and make a change. I wanna cry, not because I am homeless, but because I am finally home. I am crying, not because I am lonely, but because I am finally with you, not because I am running, but because I have finally settled. I am crying, because I don't want this to stop. I am crying, because I cannot beleive it.

Jolly, please can I come over to your house and have some egusi soup, some ebba, watch some movies, drink some coffee, have a laugh and talk about everything that we have been missing out on?

I love it I love being around it, in it, with it I love sharing it with you and when you are sharing it with me It gives me hope life inspiration strenght happiness it moves me it moves us together closer it gives us life and we become one I love music it has power over me it posses me and makes me dance I love Africa it makes me happy like no one else it makes me groove, like no one else nobody can take it's place and nobody could take your place I wanna be in Nigeria right now I wanna be in Ghana right now I wanna be in Togo, Benin, Cote d'Ivoire, Cuba, Jamaica, Brazil, I wanna groove like we used to, I wanna dance, because my spirit tells me to. I wanna love because that's what I was born to do, I wanna be with you, because I love you, I wanna dance, because I know you want me to.

I think that racism is our biggest enemy. We are killing each other because of it. We are killing creativity and we are killing life. As we are born, we are put into a specific box, depending on our looks. We get friends who are of similar background and look pretty much alike. As we grow up in this box, it becomes very difficult for us to become something else, than what is expected from us. As we grow into individuals, it is hard for us to brake free. The box doesn't let go. Our outside is supposed to tell everything about us and if it doesn't, it becomes a problem for us and for everybody else. If you want to be crosscultural and open minded, then you are not welcomed. We are not meant to be different and we are not meant to be non judgemental. We are supposed to hate and kill each other, that way the "governors" don't have to take the blame, we do all the work, without realizing it. There are people who want to unite and there are people who want to separate.

" After all, nobody remembers how many serfs died during the building of St Petersburg, but everybody admires the city's beauty. " I am reading this book, about Soviet Concentration Camps and this quote actually fits a lot of cities in world. We admire the beauty, but what about the people who had to suffer in order for us to admire it? This is not really criticism, it is just something to think about...

I look at you and I see the Devil I see evil Destruction And Blood I want to run But I am trapped in your presense I want to scream But nobody is listening to me When I see you taking a bloody bite of your prey I don't want to see you But you are forcing me to I want to warn them But they don't listen I want to rescue them But it is too late You look at me and you laugh Because you know that I know and that I am helpless When we hesitate for a second The Devil takes spot immideately If we let him He will grow stronger More powerful Inside of us Don't let him Listen to your instincts We are all protected By our spirits We just need to trust them And let them guide us So that the Devil can never Enter inside of us Almighty please protect me From the evil that surrounds us

If you'd hurt me I would turn it into a poem If you'd laugh with me I would turn it into a story If you'd share my day I would include you in my movie If you'd sing me a song I would turn it into a dance If you'd love me I would give my life to you If we'd share our lives together I would turn it into art

Don't let your creativity stop. Don't forget your experiences. Don't let the society suppress you like it once did. Nobody could possibly be you, your personality is yours and only yours. Be confident, but humble. There are no limits, no "one way" of doing things. Don't beg nobody to like you or appreciate you. Make them see what you are doing and you will get respected. Don't wait for the permission to do what you love. You have your recognition and follow your passion. This is what I have been telling myslef every day, since I left Africa. The western world is so difficult and segregated, that everyday I have to pray, to stay sane. In Africa, we live for the joy. It brings us together, unites us and makes us forget our problems. We dance from oour hearts, we listen to the rhythm and our bodies respond. Our dance is spiritual, it is filled with meaning and it takes us to the level, which is higher than all. Sometimes we meet people, who bring us down, who