River

The river taught me to how swim. As a child we would go there in evenings on hot summer days and soap up our bodies to then rinse them off in the water. It used to scare me a little. I would insist on wearing shoes while swimming, yet I would always loose one of them and get frustrated. See, I never wanted to feel what is on the bottom of the river. I was worried about the small things, creepy, moving, spikey things. My love for the water was complicated and confusing. I absolutely loved it and always needed to be in it, swimming. I was also absolutely terrified about what I could possibly find in it, step on or drown. I always felt that there is something else out there that can take me. At anytime. That is why I would always bring the extra unnecessary things: Shoes, swimfeet, goggles, floaties, you name it. I never wanted to swim somewhere alone, yet if I had to, I did it. There is this moment when you are completely terrified and totally alone, you have the option of quitting or keep going. Almost always I chose the second one. Being alone swimming could be scary but I have learnt to trust the river. Whenever I am walking in the woods I feel that I could easily get lost, so I chose to follow the path along the river. I can never get lost when I follow it. I can clearly see where it is going and I can find the way back. I am not afraid of falling in, because I know it will catch me. My respect for the river is truly grand. I know that sometimes you could underestimate it and take advantage of it, but I have seen its' fast currents and slippery rocks and I know that you do not have much of a say if the river has decided for you to either fight harder, push further and just simply stay back. I have seen rivers where the tree trunks would go by at a high speed, being dangerous to cross. As kids we used to try to hop on the tree trunks and get a free tour ride.

The river that I grew up by, has a tall mountain right by it. If you swim all the way across you would find yourself right by the edge of the mountain and sharp rocks. In the middle of the river, there used to be a huge ice breaker that we used to swim to. Some people would even jump off it. It always humbled me and scared me a little.

The river did teach me how to swim, eyes closed, flaxing around with arms and legs. Moving slowly forward, independently and most importantly - consistently.

The river taught me to conquer my fears, no matter how dark the waters would be. I taught me that it would always flow, even if it froze during the winter.